I’m sure a lot of you out there are looking up here saying “wow, what a lucky person you are for getting into Hogwarts!” but to be honest, I don’t feel that lucky. First of all, my pet was a toad… that ran away from me. Okay, more like it hopped away.. Anyway, that’s not important, what’s important is, I don’t understand WHY it hopped away from me. I guess it’s the fact that I used to transfigure it into Snape in his boxer shorts. I can’t help it, transfiguration was never one of my strong points.

There’s a lot of stupid fun stuff you can do around here though. Like one time, late at night just before curfew, I was running around the school in only robes. I would wait for the right group of people to pass by then I would jump out, scare them half to death and flash them. Some of the guys were wondering how the hell I gained so much weight over the summer and most of the girls ran away screaming in disgust.

I got a year’s worth of dentitions with Snape for that. I guess that’s why everything I do has Snape in it some how. I transfigure things into Snape, my boggart is a Snape kinda like Neville but my boggart Snape is in women’s lingerie. How the hell am I supposed to make that look non-scary? I mean, least Neville can make his wear his grandmother’s clothes. Mine? I’m stuck. Most of the other kids laughed at me but I was scared senseless. I had Snape related nightmares for the rest of my time at Hogwarts.

I got abused a lot at school too. I guess it’s because I used to play pranks on the more notable girls.. like Hermione Granger. I stole her wand once. She got so mad, she punched me unconscious, and once she got her wand back, she hung me upside down in Snape’s office. *shudders* Not again with Snape. I guess I deserved it. Some other times I’ll walk up to Hermione and ask her why she enjoys red underwear so much. Okay, I can explain that one. One time in the library, Hermione was getting some books off the top shelve and I just happened to walk by. Boom, red knickers. I swear it to you. Ever since then I can’t let her live in down. Needless to say, Hermione threw me into a river…

Then there was Harry Potter. I believed him so I didn’t pick on him much but I felt that the school needed some cheering up. Blah, blah, blah Death Eaters that, Voldermort this. I mean, it was enough to drive you loonier than Luna Lovegood. The muggles really love this thing called Star Wars. I know cause I’m a half blood. *grin* Anyway, at one of the muggle stores they were selling these lightsabers so I buy one.

When school came around I was ready to make everyone laugh but I guess I made them all want to hex me to next Wizarding War… I jumped on top of the Hufflepuff table and shouted: “I got in cause I can use the force!” or something like that then I started to swing the blade around. I ended up hitting Neville, Susan, and Colin in the head. I thought it was hilarious but they didn’t. Another dentition for that one. *shudder* Another date with Professor Snape. He made me comb out his overly greasily hair! Sometimes I think Snape had Italians in his family..

I'm sure I'll have more humorous (or maybe not so humorous) stories later. Maybe not. It depends if I can survive sixth year or not... Uh oh.. Hermione is on her way over here... I think she might be mad about the photos of her butt I'm circulating around campus! I gotta go! See ya!